"What if snow were black?"

"I want to like Celine Dion but feel she's a little to exotic for my tastes."

"Someone on the 'Master Cleanse' probably shouldn't be drinking martinis."

"It's not Russian roulette if the barrel is empty."

"I only push you so you can swing higher."

"Kept promises should always be rewarded."

"Fashion is the uniform of the unstylish."

"My boyfriend is hung up on saying the perfect thing rather than actually communicating."

"The whiter you are, the fewer bones in your food."

"Why do I always take a stingy pour so personally"

"Clara's ramblings rarely made as clear a point as head her did."

"Booze or pasta? How do you eat your carbs?

"I hate a flower with no scent. Really? Beauty is all you have to offer?"

"I don't make mistakes. I make decisions and then move on."

"You can live in your head or you can live your life."

"Pregnancy allowed Brenna to explore silhouettes foreign to her regular body."

"This costume is rubbing my nipples raw."

"I never meet anyone challenging. They either submit or run away."

"I kinda feel like 'Anti-bullying' legislation equals castration."

"He drinks pink. I only drink amber tones."

"Sometimes you have to go through the messy to get to the clean."

"Right is all about angles. Truth is in the heart."

""We all binge-and-purge in our own way."

"They call me Bozo-tastic and I have to agree."

"I want to like Celine Dion but she's a little too exotic for me"

"I'm not judging. I just do not understand an adult who cannot use silverware properly."

"Shannon's personality could be as prickly as her costumes."

"You're happier with dreams than without."

"Only in her mind, could ruffly dresses and ribboned stilettos mask Angela's football neck."

"Tricia used busy prints as an attempt to detract from her gangly limbs."

"There's nothing wrong with making out with an idiot."

"Drink when it makes you happy. Stop before it makes you sad."

"Talent can be a hindrance for success."

"If only she held her misery as well as she held her booze."

"He's more trainable than passionate."

"Ordering authoritatively is chic."

"I still think the concept of a female sportscaster is weird."

"I don't use sex to connect with people...I like to keep it pure."

"A 40 year-old man with washboard abdominals seems like a cry for help."

"I think my imagination has been slowly whittled away by pop culture."

"Man, that was good sex...I was sore like I'd been to the gym."

"Fashion is camouflage for the unstylish."

"I never take advantage of my whiteness."

"Sometimes people are silent and they're bores. Sometimes people are silent and they're brilliant."

"Uh oh...there's a cake carousel."

"I wasn't even hungry. I just needed to fill a void."

"I went to a gaybar. I couldn't tell if he was blessing me, hexing me or voguing."

"I'm a pure and honest person at heart, but my other organs have a different agenda."

"Penises are funny when they're not deadly serious."

"I gotta gay son. Great. Now I get called 'bitch' as a term of endearment."